On Feedback

There tends to be a lot of tension between truthfulness and reassurance. In areas where ego is attached, such as art, appearance, or almost any subjective category, we are often forced to consider whether expressing our opinions fully will be acceptable to the recipient. Not having a grasp on what someone desires when reaching out for input creates tension between their expectations and the response they receive. When someone enthusiastically discusses their supposed expertise in a field, we may recognize that their abilities fall far short of their self-assessment. Yet rather than challenge their perception, we often feel compelled to validate it

I think this creates a lot of paranoia in me, where I find myself wondering whether, when sharing traits, skills, lessons, or otherwise with peers, I will be provided with an insincere perspective that reinforces my existing beliefs rather than expands my understanding. It becomes a game of seeking truth from those you trust, a seemingly losing battle at that. Both providing and receiving perspectives among peers carry so much emotional weight. I am fearful of entering a state of stagnation in my efforts due to this effect.

When requesting feedback from those around me, I tend to favor honesty. Many people I know do not, and attach so much of their ego to the request that providing genuine input could be seen as a betrayal of the relationship. The problem is that, when dealing with someone like this, the natural response is often to avoid friction and present the most agreeable perspective to the person asking.

Even when presenting a more truthful opinion, we often sheath our perspectives in padding, trying to distance ourselves from the opinion itself. "I like it, but it's not for me." There is such a barrier between what we truly feel and what we actually express in these moments that I no longer find myself seeking feedback from others, unless some quantifiable piece of information can tell me one way or another.